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When the Helper Becomes the Hurting: What a Counselor’s Personal Grief Can Teach Us About Healing

 


When it comes to mental health, we tend to think of counsellors as the pillars in the world, those who remain stable even during a hurricane, the voices who are calm and steady and whose presence you can rely upon even when everything is going out of control. But what becomes of the pillar that breaks?

The main character of the book is a respected grief and addictions counsellor, Adrian, whose experience dates back more than two decades. He has been accommodative of others over the years, making them delve into grief, trauma, and loss. His existence is constructed around sympathy and service, yet under his adopted composedness there is a sense of untamed sorrow; he never established any resolution. His world falls apart when his wife dies after ten months of struggling with a rare genetic neurological disease.
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This is where the heart of the book lies; this seeking, as it is, to change the position of the helper, the helper is now a hurter. Adrian is going through a truth that we usually forget: though we train to heal, we still break. And when they do, the process of healing becomes true to more than a profession but also a personal one. The wisdom of his experience instructs us in some important lessons about grief and healing and humanity, lessons to which everyone who has loved and lost can relate.
Amazon: When the Grief Counselor Becomes the Grieving Counselor

To begin with, the book helps us not to forget that expertise is not immune to grief. Adrian is aware of the grief stages. However, when the death of his soulmate comes about, all this knowledge seems strangely empty. His instruments of the trade fail him.

The story of Adrian demonstrates the bravery needed to seek assistance, particularly to the professional helping. He tries to contact Dr. Sarah Carter, a workmate he highly regards, in the depth of his desperation. The subsequent sessions are unrefined, naked, and new. The client becomes the counsellor, and the role reversal brings in a new dimension of healing. In therapy and eventually (in therapy) in support groups, Adrian comes to learn that taking help is not a show of no strength but rather of wisdom. His readiness to be open is the catalyst to his course.

The other important lesson that the book brings forth is how shared sorrow has the power to transform. Adrian was professionally detached in most of his career. However, upon entering a group of grief support, something unusual occurs: the narratives of other people start to resemble his. He can relate to their tears, fears and memories. Here, where both are vulnerable to each other, Adrian finds a healing he has never been taught in any textbook. He finds community. He finds belonging. And he realizes that curing is usually a communal process and not an individual achievement.

The journaling and use of poetry to cope with his feelings are one of the most touching parts of the book written by Adrian. By writing, he is able to express the anger, longing, and confusion he is not always able to express in words. Letters to his dead wife, poems of pangs and hope, and journal entries of the grime of every day, all these turn into his lifeline. Expressions that involve creativity are not only useful to sustain his grief but also allow him to support others. The book eloquently demonstrates that the process of healing is not linear; it is expressive, messy, and very personal.

This book provides its readers with hope in the end. It demonstrates that despite life breaking us, we may still recover.

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